Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
For me, I'm easy to forgive someone if they say/do something that hurts my feelings if it wasn't unintentional. Especially if they don't know what I'm sensitive about. I guess the dangerous thing is, if I love someone, I'm more likely to forgive something intentional. I don't know about within the confines of a relationship or not since I've never been in one (I'm always the girl on the side), maybe it would be different? I wouldn't be trying to become the "main girl", so maybe I wouldn't so easily forgive someone who implies that I'm fat when they know that I used to weight 50+ pounds more and "I am fat" has been drilled into my head enough that hearing someone imply that makes me see myself only as fat again, even when I'm visibly still losing weight.
Another weird thing (at least I think it's weird) is that the last guy I had feelings for (which at the time felt like love) reminded me disturbingly of my own dad. I mean, I know that has happened to other people, but still…
And he gave me the affection that I always wanted from somebody…anybody. It's difficult to have to give that up not knowing if I'll ever experience it again.
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First ... CONGRATULATIONS! 50+ lbs is a huge accomplishment!
Now onto other matters. As children, we're basically a blank slate. A little mind of mold to mush ... or something like that. So we see how people should interact through our parents and base our thoughts on what a correct relationship is on that. We also learn how to interact in the same way. So a father models what men "should" act like and how they "should" be interacted with for their daughters and sons.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it can be seen in a child from a single parent. That parent may do EVERYTHING right, but the child has never been able to day-after-day interact with a member of the opposite sex from their parent and thus tends to have some difficulty in that interaction. (This is a generalization obviously, but a trend.)
So, when as Alone & Confused stated, we tend to marry our Mother/Father, it's because very early in life we based our foundation of what a relationship should be like based on our parents. Our mind tends to want to stick with what it knows so we naturally drift toward people that may look or act like our parent. Thus the reason negative things like abuse tend to turn into a legacy.
As far as the forgiving goes, once you're in a strong relationship what you should probably find is that when you're hurt for some reason, you can immediately address the problem. You can tell your partner that they hurt you and then you two can work it out. It's not about just letting things slide, but effective communication. You'll always forgive, but instead of just letting it go, you'll work though it in a healthy way.
And the right guy won't imply anything. He won't tell you you can't cut your hair because he expects you to have long hair, he won't tell you how to wear your makeup and he won't tell or imply that you're fat. He'll love you in your baggy pajamas with bedhead and whatever your body shape is. Those guys are out there, they're just a pain to dig up. They're not all taken, but they're hiding under a rock and can be difficult to drag out into the sunlight.