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Old Mar 14, 2014, 08:32 AM
Anonymous100336
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Posts: n/a
On the outside, and to everyone else, I'm just a normal, everyday guy who is unusually meek and shy. I've been told I should fear less, and 'express myself' more. If only they knew how I'd do the 'expressing myself' part. They have no idea what's going through my head, I never make it obvious, and I'm a total professional when it comes to hiding. Sometimes I listen to peoples' advice and think to myself "would this person think the same of me if I let out the secret?". The answer is probably no.

How I see myself, is as, if not more, important than how I want others to see me. A few years ago, I turned to cross-dressing in secret, just so I could look at myself in the mirror and be more like the person I want to be. It wasn't everything I wanted, but it at least made me feel good for a while.

Those were better times, These days, the only way I can 'express' myself is through the internet, here and elsewhere. now I'm surrounded by people, I have no privacy, and I'm constantly swamped by work or college, and I find it hard to 'express myself to myself', if it makes any sense. I still have very strong urges to wear women's clothing and... makeup..., but that one window I had as a teen, is now shut and boarded.

I'm just fighting against my inner self everyday, trying to suppress it, in hopes that better days will come when I can get my own place and stand up entirely on my own two feet without any kind of assistance. The problem is that time doesn't seem to be going by fast enough, for me, and it makes me lose hope.

I know a lot of people here are 'in hiding' and have no ways to express themselves, i.e be the person they want to be. Hope is really important, I guess, so I ask you, how do you keep hope alive?

The only places I can be myself is my imagination, and on the internet, so I'm glad I have those too, at least.
Hugs from:
Anonymous100305, Anonymous37954, Rand.
Thanks for this!
Bill3