I always struggle with this issue. From reading others responses it resonates with my life. Growing up in an emotionally abusive home...with emotionally absent parents. No matter how much therapy I may have it still doesn't take away the emptiness I feel. I can be Ib a room full of people and still feel alone. Why even try to talk to any of them? They wouldn't want to know me and my issues so I choose to have a small circle of friends. I'm more comfortable that way. I have friends that love me unconditionally and they know how I am...given that I don't get invited to many outings. Mainly cause they know I really don't want to go. I work closely with the public and I can't stand it but I keep the job cause it's so flexible and they know about my illness. That's comforting. But I can't stand how rude the public really is. They don't say thank you often at all. About 80% don't say it at all. I worry what others think of me cause I judge myself already. When I find myself worrying what they think I just tell myself that they aren't worth knowing anyways. I can tell if others care and those are the people I know don't judge me. Ya coming from an all alcoholic family I can understand what you guys are talking about. If I'm always worried about what my parents think of me then it makes sense that I worry what others think of me. But to be honest it's not my business what they think of me. I need to know my worth before I care what they think about me. It's all a balancing act. Like standing in the middle of a teeder totter. I won't go to much to the left cause it's self pity. And I won't go to much to the right cause it goes into what others think. I balance in the middle which puts me in a place of caring about who I am and not caring about other people's opinion of me. It works. Take care of yr self and love who you are cause yr worth it!
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