Hi Josh...welcome to the forum. It's filled with people that are where you are or have been where you are. I am sorry things are tough for you.
Keep posting here...we listen to venting and ranting and special positive moments and ups and down.
I don't know your avenues as far as getting help, but you don't mention therapy or meds. You sound a lot like my son, who simply closeted himself in his room until we dragged him to the doctor. He is now on an anti-depressant and doing much better. But he couldn't work, even though he kept trying and just stayed in bed and didn't want to be here. Now he enjoys life again.
I know there are resources out there for you and I hope some people here will pipe in and offer help in that area. Start here...Department of Mental Health
(assuming your Waterford is in the US as opposed to Ireland)

Most importantly don't lose faith. You don't know what is around the corner. Here and now might suck, but that doesn't mean the future will.