Hi Brokenentity: I guess I qualify as one of the trans individuals who are in hiding. My pdoc knows (not that it makes any difference to him.) My wife also knows. But, while she knows, she doesn't REALLY want to know, if you catch my drift, as they say. We don't talk about it. We have what I refer to as a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. She doesn't ask & I don't tell! She has actually been helpful with regard to a few small things I've done in an effort to feminize myself slightly. But, if I made any movement toward genuine transition of any kind, I feel quite comfortable saying she would be aghast!

The one advantage I do have is that she is still employed full time & I am not. So I'm home alone all day Monday through Friday. (This will probably change come the end of the year.) However, even though I'm alone a good share of the time, I don't cross-dress any more. I gave that up about 15 years ago. (A few months later I made my first serious suicide attempt... make of that what you will.)

As for keeping hope alive, I have none. At this point in my life, all hope is abandoned. I just live from one day to the next with a kind-of dull acceptance with occasional spikes of "I just can't stand this for another minute!" So I don't know that I have much to suggest in terms of keeping hope alive. I do have a few "trinkets" that I've accumulated over the years. I keep them put away in my closet. Seeing them & touching them can be soothing. Also I bought a ring on ebay a while back. It is a ring that was made by a Navaho artist. It has different colored minerals & shell in it. It is vaguely reminiscent of the LGBTQ rings you can buy on ebay. I wear it on my right pinkie finger as a reminder of that part of me that is buried.