Hi Skeezyks, it sounds like a very long journey you've been on/you're on and I'm really sorry for the pain you've had to endure.
But despite the "psychotic" bit (which I've already...... !!) it does sound like you feel a kind of affinity with/want more of a "relationship"/involvement with that other part of you.
And as you've already wondered about "following your heart"..........maybe you're not feeling as "whole"/less of yourself without allowing that part as much into who you are (or who you are to others even??) ???
So what about "standing up" and saying "this is who I am"/"this is who I want to be" just a little bit more??
As is coming through (to me anyway !!) you are seeing that Gretchen doesn't really have to be "bad", meaning that that really doesn't have to be a "bad" part of you either.
So right, how do you reckon you could give Gretchen/you a bit more of a chance to breathe, to cut loose, to feel free??
Maybe a chance of following your heart a bit more, somehow, someway?? After all life can be kind of empty sometimes if we don't at least try to take the chances when they're there to follow our hearts. And one of the most important/valuable things in life can sometimes be just being able to be who we are and to be true to ourselves.



Alison