Thanks for the replies, people. I have no idea when and why I started to feel this way but I remember hating myself in one way or another ever since I was 15 or something. I think it might have started when I was bullied (age 12-15) but my perfectionism started before that I think. It's the perfectionism that make me feel like I'm never good enough and it's something else that makes me hate myself. At least that's what I think.
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Originally Posted by Frankbtl
So it is excellent that you're taking the step in wanting help from a T. It's sounding like the just "waiting" is feeling almost endless to you right now, but in the between/waiting do you think you could hook up with a online counselor?
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Waiting is pretty awful. I feel like I'm going through all of this by myself and that no one really gets it (I've never felt understood by the way. Not in my entire existence and it has created some kind of constant frustration that never goes away). I don't think I want to talk to some kind of online counselor (not even sure if that's possible in my country). Even though I'm an introvert with social anxiety disorder I very much prefer talking to a therapist face-to-face.
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Originally Posted by Frankbtl
And maybe your doctor could help you out (more?)? Especially with the depression and anxiety but some medications cross over into the symptoms of OCD as well.
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How could a doctor help me out more? By prescribing medication you mean? I'm scared of medication so I'm not taking any medication regularly. The only medication I've agreed to try is beta blockers, which I'm supposed to take about an hour before presenting things in front of people at university. They're not working so far. I'll try three pills instead of two next time (which is on Monday and Wednesday by the way and I feel like I'm going to die).
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Originally Posted by zinco14532323
I was mentioning some of those feelings to my pdoc the other day. Feeling like a burden, a big lazy slug, worthless and so on. He told me straight up that those are things meds can't fix and you need a T for them.
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Yeah. I'm not on any medication. Has therapy helped you with those feelings?