I remember when my T first suggested that my engaging in such struggle with my father kept me tied to him. I was furious, of course, because I didn't see where I had any choice but to continue struggling. My feeling was that I wasn't choosing to fight--it was being imposed upon me, and I was defending myself--my survival depended upon it.

It took facing the fear of who I would be and what life would I have if I weren't bonded to him in anger. Could I face the pain that the anger covered and survive? Could I let go of that bond which, though hurtful, was familiar and secure and ultimately, emotionally satisfying? Could I risk either allowing a new bond to form, or accept having no bond?