I.have been where you are. I've felt Helpless and.hopeless. I totally relate to you feeling like yr alone in.a crowded room full of people. Stress and memoris resurfacing definitely seem to be the cause. Now the hard part of how do we get out of this trap. Do you see a therapist on a regular basis? That would really help you right now since you can't go into the hospital. I don't understand why yr spouse I'd acting that way towards you. Sounds very unsupportive. You need people who are closer to you to be empathetic. I'm so sorry yr dealing with this. I have these same.issues then one day realized I couldn't work ft anymore so I got on ssd. Social security disability. It has helped me tremendously. I'm now able to manage my symptoms in a less stressful life. I now work pt and enjoy the flexibility very much. Maybe you should look into that as an option depending on how long yr episodes interfere with yr daily life. Please don't give up and don't give in. You can do this. We're all here for you so if you need to talk we'll listen. Feel free to pm msg me anytime. because of my bp I don't sleep much. I just wish yr spouse understood you better. I don't know what I'd do if my fiance didn't care to listen or hear me out. Take care and remember to reach out as.much as you need.

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