Thanks Alison. One of the friends that I've spoken to does have a good familiarity with depression if nothing else having been through it himself, and has helped me to get out and do things and keep myself safe on several occasions. I've got the number for the samaritans saved to my home phone...but it's an 0845 number, and money is tight, so I'll only ring them either when it's free for me (evenings/weekends) or I'm absolutely desperate.

I always seem to get everything wrong, and no matter what others do for me, I just mess it up and make things worse. I hurt people, and I'm just useless. I've not earned what I have, I just squander the chances that I get by moping around feeling sorry for myself.