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Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Hey CE. I'm so sorry. It sounds like a terribly uncomfortable mental space. I have had similar intense transference type attachments that took years to abate (though they each eventually did.) Would it be helpful to work on the original loss or insecure attachment that might be the template for your feelings about Madame T? I'm thinking about the mother-shaped hole of which you once wrote so heartbreakingly. Is it possible that in fully mourning that original loss, the intensity of your transference feelings could lessen?
Finally is there anything you do regularly, like maybe a sport or a hobby, that is totally absorbing for you and that gives you a bit of respite from your thoughts of Madame T?
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Thank you for your compassion. That means a lot to me.
Clearly I have some mourning to do.
Over the years I have transfered my mother-issues to Madame T and it seems perverse to try and transfer them back again. What is the point in moving the pain from one pocket to another?
I don't want to exaggerate the amount of time I spend obsessing about her. But I am angry and sad that she neither filled the hole nor closed it.
She loved me once but I do not think she loves me any more.