I don't think I ever looked to be special to my T. I suspect it was so off my radar of possibility that I could be, I was too afraid to try. I think it was very much a part of my struggle to allow him to care for me. It's why even after many years, I was shocked when he articulated his parental feelings for me.

But I absolutely wanted and needed his validation on many levels. A big part of that was because any thought or emotion I expressed growing up was met by my mother with "Don't be ridiculous" and completely invalidated. And there were certain things my father said to me as a child that were deeply wounding that needed to be countered, verbally and experientially. It took a long time, however, before I could accept and internalize his validations.