Hi Sparky, I'm willing to argue that you're not getting everything wrong and you're not messing everything up!! Depression can completely blind you to things that might be/can be good in your life/and that are good about you.
And how can you blame yourself for the way you feel if you're "moping about"? Sure sometimes we can make changes to help ourselves but when we're talking depression, there can be times when it may not be enough or it may not be possible and that's when people may need a little extra support. It's not you who is deliberately making the choices to.....right? It's just all you can do at the time.
But it is so good that you are looking for the support you need.
And about the samaritans and money being tight: they do email contact as well you know, I'm not sure that it's always immediate contact/response, but I do know that it can be. And they have been known to call back if you ask them too. Just throwing you the link to the email/contact page though:
Contact us | Samaritans
But you're right, sometimes it can be one day at a time. But if it helps try to keep everything your friend has been helping you with/do at the forefront of your mind whenever you need it. Even try to hear his voice/imagine what he'd say when........if.........and we're here for you as well (!!). You know that don't you??
If you want to talk some more............
Alison