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Originally Posted by KnaveG
This was my first therapy experience. It lasted for 5 months. Yesterday she terminated me. Let me go back a little. I've had erotic transference for her for about 2 months now. I've told her about it as soon as I noticed it, and she said we would work through it. I've been getting better over the past 2 months, making progress with my initial problems that I came to therapy for in the first place, but these feelings weren't diminishing. We agreed that so long as they don't interfere with our treatment that we will keep working together. 2 weeks ago in our second to last session we made plans to go out and start doing exposure for my anxiety. We were supposed to start yesterday, but then this happened. I came in to session and said that I was feeling down for the past week, thinking about her all the time and that it was pretty bad. She started talking about the possibility of transferring me. I kept quiet because I thought that would probably be for the best. Midway through the session she said that I should think about it and how I don't have to decide right away. Not even 10 minutes after that she says that she is terminating me. It's as if she took advantage of my silence and wanted to see how far she could go. At that moment I woke up and realized what the hell just happened. I tried to talk her out of it, saying how this is just another bump in the road, and how therapy isn't supposed to be a one way road from negativity to positivity. She kept saying how her gut feeling is telling her that even though I can control the transference, in the long run I would be unable to continue making progress. I told her that when that time comes I would personally request an end to our therapy. She wouldn't listen to anything, and said that she has made her decision. This came out of nowhere. I even asked for one more session because I couldn't process this, and she refused. I stayed over 5 minutes, and at that point she told me that I need to pay up and leave because she had other clients waiting. When I went outside there was no one in the waiting room. I started laughing because of how ****ing stupid I felt. I truly love her, and even though she acted a bit unethical, I still can't make myself dislike her. I wish I could, but I can't. I seriously don't understand why I was terminated. If anything the transference was getting better, but of course there will be some bad weeks. What do you guys think?
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here in NY falling in love with a treatment provider is called ...attachment....unless the feelings of love is from another source (the love for a past boyfriend, the love for a parent, love for a child) is being put into love with the treatment provider.
example of attachment would be feeling like I want to see my treatment provider, I love how she looks, talks.......
an example of transference here in NY is i didnt get the love from my parents as a child so I want that parental love from my therapist, I want my therapist to be like the partner from my past.....
The reason Im showing the differences in the two here is because where I live and work and my own treatment provider have rules / ethics they have to follow in the two situations...
if the problem is transference (where feelings for someone /an event from the past is being displaced from the past to the therapist) the ethics say that can be worked on, discover why the therapist reminds the person of the past someone or event, work on the unresolved issues from the past that is causing the transference.
If the problem is attachment where the client (or the therapist) is falling in love (which crosses ethics here in NY) there are two options....
the first one is discuss the problem and find out how far the problem has gone, if the treatment provider feels that the client is in a state of mind where they are willing and able to work on the problem and follow the rules and ethics / boundaries set by the treatment provider and agency that the treatment provider works for, then they can continue with treatment.
signs that show the client is not in a good state of mind/unable /unwilling to work on the problem are things like aggressive attitude, silence rather than participating in the discussion, not complying with developing a treatment plan around the problem, not complying when the treatment provider stands by what the agency states must happen (like asking the client to leave because they are not in the right frame of mind or helping to work on discussing and treatment options of this problem.)
the second option is terminating. if the treatment provider feels the situation can not be worked out, or are beginning to get the feeling things could escalate into a dangerous situation they can either schedule termination sessions where their supervisor can be present if needed or immediate termination.
Im sorry that your treatment provider opted for immediate termination but in your post you said she was getting a gut feeling.
try putting yourself in a different situation where you have gotten a gut feeling, sometimes its hard to go against that feeling and sometimes it is for the best, gut feelings are the bodies way of alerting a person that something in the situation isnt right, whether its a gut feeling that the person you just passed on the street was not a safe person to be with or whether its in therapy and the gut feeling shows up for you or a treatment provider.
it may feel like she acted unethical and wrong to you right now but if her ethics and rules are the same as whats here in NY she did what was right...
another way to look at this is what if it was the other way around... you were in therapy and had no feelings for a therapist and that therapist said to you Im falling in love with you. I love you. you would probably say WTF and Im out of here I terminate you as my treatment provider. that happens too.
I have gone through where I have fallen in love with my treatment providers and I have had treatment providers confess their love /desires for me. in the first the treatment provider went with her gut and terminated me because it was something that kept coming up and she felt if I was so in love with her i would not be able to do whats needed to heal from my other problems because I was so focused on my love for her. In the second situation I always went with my gut and terminated when ever a treatment provider confessed or showed they loved/desired me in unethical ways.
my suggestion start looking for another treatment provider who can help you through this and help you feel better for what ever problems took you into therapy to begin with.