gaston......i read your entire post and realize that you have many questions that you want answered.......i don't mean to simplify any of it as i know how confusing it is for you.....what i can tell you is that i have suffered with ocd for many years......i have had the same rituals as you...the counting to make things right, the thoughts.....even the dilema as to whether i was straight, bi or lesbian.........the mind of a person with ocd is something that only one who has it one can understand.......when i was finally at my wits end and it was either get some help or suicide....i chose help......i found a good psychiatrist and began trials and mistrials of various meds finally settling on prozac.......i currently take 80mg and expect to go to 100mg shortly......the meds and therapy have reduced my symptoms by about 95% and the thoughts and rituals have become very mild......i would encourage you to continue to seek professional help and explore other meds or higher dosages that may work better for you.......as to all your questions?...i think they are all perfectly normal.......especially for someone with ocd.....and if i were asked what i thought of your sexuality questions?....i would venture a good guess that you are a heterosexual man who is dealing with a quite severe case of ocd.....if you ever need to chat........let me know.......i care and i understand