I have pretty bad and complicated PTSD, because I've gone through a lot of seperate repeating traumas. Neglect, mild abuse (as far as abuse can be mild, but it really wasn't that bad), severe bullying, medical torture, life-threathening illness/ICU/amputation, and some things that fall in between those categories.

And then there's this one other thing that happened.
I don't want to talk about it because I'm afraid of the reaction of my T, and because I'm quite good at pretending it never happened and perfectly content to go on that way (if only the ptsd symptoms would stay away). But mostly, I have no idea how to tell T, and I'm afraid of her reaction. I know she won't tell anyone and I know she won't not believe me but I'm afraid of it either way. I'm also afraid she'll want to talk about it more than me, but I know she won't force me or pressure me, so that's also unrealistic.
The stupid thing is that I think she already knows. She knows there's this one other thing, and as there's not much left that it can be besides.. well, what it is, given that I've already admitted to just about everything else happening to me. She's also told me she thinks she might have some idea what it is.

I have the most amazing T, and I trust her for one hundred percent. Which is why it frustrates me I don't dare voice this to her. I can talk ABOUT the incident. I can tell her I have flashbacks or nightmares or can't stop thinking about it. I've told her some details - where the people who did it lived, what objects remind me of THERE, I've even told her that I blacked out halfway through the event and have no memory of the middle half. But actually talking about what happened? I can't.

Does anyone recognize this or have tips?