Hi Skeezyks, just a thought but it's sounding like you're cutting off all of the B.....C....D.....E.....F.....'s just in case it get's to Z. And that's a lot of letters you're missing out on just in case.
And while each of those letters may be giving you pleasure/allowing you to be more you (pleasure you're denying yourself right now) that's a lot you're missing out on!!
But if your life does have some boundaries in place (other than what people have told/indicated to you in the past!) that are going to restrict some things then there may be ways of working in those boundaries which still allow you to be "true to yourself".
I know it's such a loose example (and if I think of another....I'll get back to you!!) but there are sometimes going to be places, situations, circumstances when we can't truly be ourselves. For some people it might be when they're at college, for others it might be at work, for others it might be with their parents. But away from those situations, circumstances...............
And you know, you could even look at ways to move some of those boundaries as well,
Then if you decided on a complete transition, would that really be so bad??? I mean it might not come to that anyway but if.........?? There are plenty of people out there in all sorts of circumstances, at all times of life who it has worked for. I know it doesn't always but there could be that possibility, right?
So if the worst as you're seeing it could happen, then it wouldn't have to be that bad, right?
So why stop yourself from taking a few steps closer to where you may want to be just in case.
Just something to think about.....maybe explore how truly happy you are with your situation now compared with..........you might decide that you're comfortable/happy with where you are right now (and you are pushing the boundaries, I hope!! ) but then again you may decide maybe not so much......???
Either way it doesn't at all have to be a bad thing........and follow your heart a bit, right!!???



Alison

P.S You are in touch with some trans groups or forums (as well as here) for support/"companionship" with this aren't you?? Therapists can help a lot I'm sure, but nothing like talking with people who are there/who have been there.