I've been hurting myself now and then again for a long time. When I was about five years old I hit myself with the flyswatter when I thought I deserved it. Since I was twelve or so I've been sporadically cutting, burning or otherwise hurting myself. Usually because I wanted to try if it made me feel better. It never did.

However the last few weeks I've been cutting myself deeply for seemingly no reason at all. It doesn't make me feel better. It only makes me angry at myself.

I don't even know why I do it. It makes it easier to cope with things, to reassure myself I'm alive, when I can feel the pain, but it's silly to do it and yet I do.

I don't want to land in a circle I can't get out of. Can someone please help me?