I didn't have post postpartum depression.....but even at the age of 25....I had no desire to have children. Growing up I never like being around babies & just had no interest in having one of my own.....but after I was married I ended up pregnant much to my dismay.....but also didn't believe in abortion when it came right down to it & now I believe in it even less then I did then....especially when its JUST FOR CONVENIENCE SAKE......but that's another issue.

I ended up having a c-section because she was too large to have naturally.....the whole time I was pregnant, I had no connection emotionally or logically to this baby inside of me......I exercised to that I wouldn't gain weight & would be back in the same form I was in before I got pregnant.....& I was 10 months away from getting my BS degree in Accounting information Systems /computer science......so I really didn't want a baby getting in the way of my career after I graduated.

Even at birth, I felt absolutely no connection to her....none of that motherly instinct which isn't true that all women have it.....but I was there with her.....I just didn't have that emotional bonding & I know that she didn't either. I refused to nurse because there was no way I could be tied down to a baby with college & everything I was involved in & was determined that she was going to fit into our life style....I wasn't going to fit into hers.

My parents did most of the care for her.....but there were times when I took her with me to college labs I did at night & she went everywhere we went because I she was going to be a part of the family.....so we never left her out of doing or being a part of our life......she would go with me to choir practice & to my music rehersals.....& at 6 months, I had her in a front pack along with my 40 pound back pack & we took her one on a long weekend back packing trip. Growing up if she had problems or something bothered her while I was at work.....she would call & I would talk her through everything she needed......we would always take off work unless something critical was happening & attend every function she had.....I would always be there for problems that needed to be handled that were beyond her ability......I loved my daughter..& I was there.....but I grew up without emotional bonding to my parents.......so I think part of that was that I had no idea what that connection would even feel like since it's NOT something that is instinct.

There were probably a lot of things going on in your mother's life that kept her from emotionally getting involved.....or having that close relationship.....it doesn't mean that you can't be a successful person because that wasn't there in your life......it just means that you haven't learned what that close bonding relationship feels like if you really ever want to have one of your own.....it takes a lot of understanding & work to make changes in yourself to correct what wasn't provided by parents....if it's necessary at all IMO.

I had a bad marriage with my H & that just fell into the norm of not having a close relationship with anyone.......things have changed about 6 years ago & I have become a bit better at relationships with other people.....takes the desire to want that change & learning what changes are necessary.....& some people don't want to put that kind of effort into their life or relationships....but it doesn't mean they don't love the person....they just don't know how to show it through a close bonding relationship.

I hope that some of this makes sense & might be some of where your mother was coming from......there is a lot involved in why & why not bonds aren't close......some people never have the desire or need for a close relationship.....others seem to have a much greater desire for one....but don't allow that desire for what was missing to ruin your life.....just like with DBT....skills can be learned & new ways of thinking & preceiving relationships can be developed.....when the desire & the skills are learned if it's truly important to the functioning of your life.