I'm starting my second week back to work. I am starting to feel less anxious about it as each day passes. I wonder about the status of my depression though as I get home and I can't keep my eyes open. It's hard to do anything besides work right now. After years of being a super-achiever, it's hard to accept. Well, that's probably what got me into this mess anyway, who knows. I think I've been depressed forever, since a young child wishing in a magical thinking way that I could just die. Somehow I knew that I wouldn't be hurt anymore. So now I decide to have my middle age crisis and get a major paralyzing depression. I am supposed to be learning stuff here. Not sure what though. How to better care for myself, that I don't need to be perfect because perfect does not equal nothing bad happening. Never mind that perfect is impossible. I still have the fear of feeling like that again, or the meds not working but so far I am taking it one little baby step at a time. So the work I have to do is in knowing that my best is good enough and to roll with the punches. Ouch.