So I have been struggling all week and weekend with all these emotions and push and pull with the new t, and I guess projections and transference from my old t to my new t.

I can't deal with this inner fight, current stressors, and current CSa nightmares, even when I take a nap I wake up in sweat and chills scared From nightmares . Can't do this.

I'm going to tell her exactly how I'm feeling about my vulnerability . And how I want her to help me , but at the same time I want to push her away.

I'm going to let her know what I have posted here, and how much you guys have helped. I'm ready to take a couple of baby steps at my pace, even if its through drawing.

I can't do it alone, I'm tired, I need to be greatful of what my old t has done for me and see what's in front of me, and how many unfortunate people wish they had my opportunity.

It's not to say that there won't be struggles along the way and I will want to give up. But I can always count on my pc buddies. Btw I'm very scared to do this.

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