It was back in September but I can't stop thinking about it. I met her way back in May when I was getting over the loss of another friend, and we got pretty damn close. We talked about everything, and in June or so she told me her boyfriend was abusing her. Of course I encouraged her to leave him, and eventually she did. But it didn't end there...

He kept bugging her, hitting her, and when she ended up moving to get away from him, he sent friends to jump her on the way home from school. I was gay at the time, but I found out that a lot of the problems in the relationship were because me and her were such good friends. He thought she was cheating, I guess, with me, even though that never had any chance of happening. Finally I stepped in and talked to him myself, although she really didn't want me to, for my sake.

Me and him fought all the time. Not physically, though that was always a threat. He was so violent I developed the fear of open doors at night, because I always saw him coming through there with a knife and taking me out of the picture.

We talked so much we were almost friends, except it was always threats, and me trying to get him to leave her alone and him being a general sociopath. I don't remember so well what we talked about, but I remember one night he told me he was "finishing her." I never saw her again. He's in prison for life, but I just can't shake the feeling that I could have done something and stopped this. She could be alive.

He always talked about killing me instead. I always wondered if maybe, had I let that happen, he would be in prison and she would be alive. We did contact the police about the abuse, but he managed to kill her before the trial for that ever came around. The other thought I always had is what if I went and killed him? This all probably sounds totally insane, but it's just what I've been thinking about these past few months. I feel so guilty.