CantExplain, I know how you feel. My T hurt me a lot emotionally. I was so attached to her and she created my dependency - under the misguided view that it was what I needed I think. (It possibly would have been with the right therapist!)She frequently invalidated my feelings and 'unsaid' or dismissed my thoughts, feelings and emotions. It was horrendous. But I wouldn't let go of her because of the strong transference and bond and the occasions when she was gentle and compassionate and loving and I always held out for those times - only to be stamped on again before too long of course.

I finally told her (after many years of this rollercoaster) that I wanted to end sessions and maybe just keep in touch via email or something now and then. All hell broke loose. She reacted to this in the most bizarre way and wouldn't give me any gradual termination sessions or closure. So I just had to go.

That was four months ago. I've stayed away from her (apart from one catch up phone call which was fine because I was careful in what I said).

What feralkittymom said is very wise: 'It took facing the fear of who I would be and what life would I have if I weren't bonded to him in anger. Could I face the pain that the anger covered and survive? Could I let go of that bond which, though hurtful, was familiar and secure and ultimately, emotionally satisfying? Could I risk either allowing a new bond to form, or accept having no bond?'

I still have a lot of anger and guess you do too, CantExplain. I think that is due to the fact that the bond with the T was NOT really 'emotionally satisfying'. It may have felt as though it was and we may have longed for it to be something it wasn't. I know for me my anger (that still surfaces now and then) is about that. But feralkitty is right. Letting go of that anger gives us peace and the way forward. With the anger out the way you can sit with the pain and, for me, when I do that with acceptance, something changes.

Easier said than done you're thinking! I see you have a new T and guess that's working well? I wonder if you could do something symbolic either on your own or with your new T helping you. A sort of simple act or 'ceremony' if you like that represents letting go of old T and the hurt and anger. Then know you're bigger and stronger than all that stuff. Acknowledge a part of it is still there. Give it permission to sit there right sized -not all-consuming. Then when it next tries to jump up and get you're attention just smile at it and remind yourself that you've become bigger and stronger.

Take carexx