Hello, Izzyfg2000.
Definitely not ugly... Dumb?! Certainly not; I've read some of your poetry and seen evidence of your other creativities. Weird? "Weird" is highly context-dependent. Sitting here on this side of the World Wide Web I have no reliable way to judge, but "weird" is not how I would describe what little I know of you.

Whatever you may be doing "wrong" or "right," you are doing it in a world where everyone is also doing everything from wrong to right. The frame by which you judge yourself and by which others judge you is constantly shifting.

In the midst of all this you are trying to build an identity for yourself. But that's not all -- you are struggling with depression, too. Depression bends all it touches including the struggle for personal identity.

Your description of lying reminds me of someone who may have developed lying as a survival mechanism. That's worth investigating.

Wishing you an ever-increasing sense of mastery as you grapple with all these things.