I have read some of your posts nowheretorun and i can relate to many of them... i now realize i have social phobia and still don't know exactly how to control it. although i seem to be able to cope just fine in certain situations.. I work as an EMT and of course i deal with the public all day long.. its what i do. I have to be able to calm and sooth others on a daily basis.. and at times i do feel that i have somewhat of a "cold heart" most things don't upset me or make me sad. This hurts me in the fact that i want to have compassion for many. These thoughts seem to come to me after the fact.. I give everyone my all and i love my job very much.. but....

i prefer to have just a few close friends and when i get more than that wanting my time and energy i tend to isolate myself and push people away... Then i wonder what the heck happened... i would love to have these people in my life i just dont really know how to do it.. I think depression has a lot to do with this also.. when im asked to go out and do things with others it sounds like a great idea at the time. when the time comes to go.. i bale out i rather just stay home by myself.
but is that what i really want? no its not.

I find myself in a conversation with somebody doing the listening and when i find something i want to say. i say it and many times have stopped myself from talking because im self-concious i worry about telling boring stories... i often think other peoples conversations are more interesting than what i have to say...

another problem that i noticed that comes with social phobia is the inability to flirt and meet men. I am an attractive woman but who's gonna be interested in a woman who has a hard time holding a conversation..

There are things that I am very confident about, I am confident about my overall role in life, I do feel a good sense of self worth, I would pretty much do anything for another person...

lost and confused