I totally understand what you're saying and I feel that way a lot. I have to learn to trust my T that she truly isn't going to leave me if I disappoint her. I asked her recently how much bad I could do before she leaves me and she responded by saying that there was absolutely nothing I could do that would cause her to abandon me. That helped a lot because although I don't really trust it yet, I at least have something to remind myself when I start to worry about it.