In the span of 9 months my pet of 14 years died unexpectedly, my fiancé had an emotional affair, my therapist or years decided to became a personal friend of mine, I moved to another state for work and my childhood home was lost despite me paying into the pot to help keep it - the funds were misappropriated.

I realized only recently that all of things happening in such a short period of time is why after years of no panic attacks I am suddenly experiencing 2-3 every other day. I'm also not able to sleep, weepy, feeling hopeless and not feeling like leaving my apartment. Depression is really bad right now.

Right now I should be working on a work related assignment that is due in two days but I've been in bed all day with one 5 minute break to go grab half a can of soup and an ice cream sandwich from the kitchen. I'm afraid I won't finish my work.

I feel alone even though I could call my former T or fiancé. My mom is emotionally absent, so speaking with her only makes things worse. My new therapist doesn't offer crisis services and the suicide lines shoo me away once they realize I'm not at risk of attempting. Ideation is major right now though.

I don't know how to pick myself up. I'm due to start a week vacation on Friday but I'm not even excited right now.

I don't know how to cope. All the things I lost made up my network. I miss my pet, having a great therapist and fiancé and a home I could be comfortable in. I have no one in this new state.

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