Your story sounds like mine in a lot of ways WildflowerChild. I was diagnosed at 21 during a hospitalization and was compliant to meds for a little while, but I thought everyone was full of it and went off and went on with my life. It was about 10 years before things hit bottom again, but during that time I now see I had many "episodes" of hypomania.

I've had shorter and shorter periods of stability between my major depressions, which are the periods I dread the most. I've been varying levels of compliant with meds during that time because I keep thinking that drugs are bad for long-term and I shouldn't need them.

I find myself scared of this existence and want stability.