37 yo male
Never been married and have no children.

I am going through several crises and in so much pain.
-I rently moved to a new area and have NO close friends for a support group.
-I have been estranged from my dysfunctional family
-I had a family memember recently die a few months ago and was not able to attend the funeral (due to family strife). I never had closure to the grieving process.
-I recently separated from my girlfriend of two years. She was NOT right for me, but it still hurts tremendously.

Because I was abused throughout my childhood, I struggle with showing emotions. I was not allowed to have emotions and needed to be strong as a child. As a result, I never cry. Now crying is ALL i do. My heart feels like ton of bricks and I am walking through a dark tunnel looking for the light. I know I am a good man and never did anythhing to intentionally hurt anyone.

I jog three miles a day and eat healthy. Yet these days I can only walk and need to force myself to eat. I tell myself not to give up and fight this with my last breath, yet I feel I am loosing.

Things I am trying
-currently in between finding a new therapist
-will be taking time off work to stay with a friend 5 hours away. However, I never depended on anyone and worried of being a burden.
-I am staying away from alcohol completely (never had problem with alcohol though)

I am currently a top employee within the nation-wide company I work for. Yet it is all an act. I pretend like everything is ok, but inside I am hollow. So much loneliness, so much pain. It is only a matter of time before things fall apart if I don't do something to get out of this hole.

Does anyone have encouraging words for me?