For a long time now, I have had occasions when I would think: "I just can't stand this (depression, anxiety, OCD-type self-harming behaviors, self-hatred) a moment longer." But after a few minutes I'd decide that, realistically, I don't have any choice. No one's going to do anything for me. And, in fact, there's probably nothing anyone can do. So then I'd just sink back into dull acceptance of myself as I am.

This weekend is the first time that I've reached a point where I've begun to think: "I really can't stand this anymore." Maybe no one will do anything & maybe there is nothing anyone can do. But I have to try SOMETHING, because I just can't stand this anymore. I'm SO worn down from stuffing everything down & plodding along that I just don't have the energy to keep going. Oh, I guess I can make it for another day, maybe another week, maybe even another month, if I'm lucky. But I just feel drained.