Yes, your mom was (and probably is) mentally ill. And you have suffered greatly as a result. You were neglected, and that leaves enormous scars. I reccomend individual therapy, beyond a caregiver's support group. Therapy with a professional who knows how to do trauma work would help you work through the feelings you have about yourself, your mom, your childhood, and your current situation. Beyond your description of what your childhood was like, your words sound exactly like a person who was neglected as a child. I know this because (1) I'm a psych major and (2) I was a neglected child.

I can't say I know your personal pain, but I can say that I understand how much it hurts to feel like your needs are an infringement on others. And I know the feeling of being worthless. I know what it's like to be parentified and have to take care of your parent(s) as if they were the adults and you were the child. I know what all that's like, and it's hell. Therapy is helping me with that, and it can help you. You just have to find the right therapist.

Welcome to our forums. I hope you'll continue to post whenever you need support, and I hope we'll be able to help you out!!!

Best wishes, and lots of hugs (if hugs are ok) (((((((((((((sandyb))))))))))))

Angela (SweetCrusader)

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-