Hi A Red Panda...first off, I really like your signature line quotes, and secondly, I really appreciate you taking the time to read what I wrote. Your question is a really good one. His reasons are valid because of health concerns. Their current AZ home is 3500 sq. feet and two floors and they want one floor and to downsize. So, their new AZ home is one floor and 2100 sq. feet. It's the same thing in GA. The second home there is three floors and 3700 sq. feet and the new one there is one floor and in a gated community which appeals now to dad. I know it's a lot smaller than their other two in GA. He just turned 80 and was in perfect health until he developed some breathing problems in the past year which were diagnosed as emphysema.

I'm clear on their reasons for moving. My problem with all this is the fact that he wasn't truthful with me. He tells me they're not moving for a couple of years and then five days later he calls excitedly and tells me they put a bid in on a new house (which they did end up buying here in AZ). What infuriates my wife and me is that his stock answer when I challenge him on something like this that he wasn't forthright about is, "Well, you know how your memory is and how you forget things." It just drives me nuts when he does this.

Yes, as with many people with bipolar and other mental illnesses, my memory is horrible compared to what it used to be. But his saying he was moving was something I would remember! It's maddening to have him chalk up my feelings to just a poor memory.

I told him that I now felt the new house was "unsafe for me" emotionally and I couldn't see myself going there. I've had panic attacks and the hyper vigilance of PTSD too often in the past and I'm not willing to go anywhere that will retrigger those feelings and thought patterns. I told him that's just the way my brain reacts and his not being truthful with me and making me feel "ditched/abandoned" makes it hard for me to imagine feeling safe in their new home. I feel like what rug will next be pulled out from under me.

My wonderfully supportive wife is right--I've just got to forge forward. But like I told her I just don't know how to talk with him next. Do I pretend it never happened? Do I just never talk about it? It just seems so weird in my mind when I think of next seeing him. He's having cornea transplant surgery Wednesday so I've got to call Tuesday. What a situation. I just hate stuff like this...it really tears/wears me down.

You are so kind to care. Thank you. Wishing you well.