Quote:
Originally Posted by Curupira
My depression started off post partum. My pregnancy was planned but extra stressors during my final trimester and a complications with labor left me physically and emotionally wounded.
It took me about 2 months to fall in love with my daughter. But even before that I felt this fierce almost animal need to protect her. I would stare at her for hours trying to figure out where the little alien came from. At night I would nurse her while crying hysterically because I could not connect with her. I would have laid down in front of a train for her but I didn't feel love, and I hated myself for that.
2 years later, I still have depression but I love my daughter dearly. In some ways she is what keeps me going.
My point is, there may be more to it than just post partum depression.
|
something you mentioned here really resonates with me.
i remember once telling my mother that even wild animals are willing to risk danger and even their lives with the goal of ensuring the safety of their offspring.
but, often i meet mothers, including my own that not only play a passive role in the safety and health of their children, but seem compelled to harm them.
i dont understand that.
also, as far as her not wanting or needing close connections, i don't find that to be a general truth regarding her. she was very close to my father, her husband, and wept bitterly at his death. she also put myself and her two other children in detriment to try and salvage a relationship with him.
i dont understand if it might be a matter of priority, her choosing him over us, but now that hes dead, i would imaging theres no reason for her to continue to treat us so coldly, theres no one left to choose over us.
not too long ago, my girlfriend and i lost an unborn child, and the grief that i felt from that was unbearable. which was suprising to me, considering how callous i usually feel. i didnt cry at my fathers funeral. ive gone years without speaking to my mother, even when i was a child living under her custody.
what im saying is that, i can not relate to her at all. and i think that keeps me from being compassionate to her feelings and perspectives regarding myself and my two siblings.
can anyone else?