It sounds like there is a lot more going on there than just depression. Behaviors learned over a lifetime are hard to change even when the circumstances do.

I have observed something similar in the relationship between my mother and grandmother. My mother was not the child she wanted but she can not admit that she does not love her. As a result she can be pretty nasty, and my mother has protected herself by feeling nothing for my grandmother but a vague sense of pitty. I know the neglect hurt her but my grandmother will never aknowledge what she has done because it would mean realizing she is not the woman she thought she was.

That long tangent was to say, cut yourself some slack. You have obviouly suffered some psychological wounds. The hard truth is you cannot change anyone else. The good news is you can accept yourself and heal. This is how you feel now, and that is ok. It may not always be the case but that does not matter right now.

Have you sought therapy? It may help you unpack some of this, and provide you with strategies to prevent her from hurting you again.

You sound like you will make a great dad some day.

I hope this helps