Hi Skeezyks, do you think looking a bit more specifically into why you don't want this might help?? what's shaped your thoughts/beliefs in to that feeling?? Maybe a big (?) part could be others less "enlightened" views from the past??
Perhaps the "male persona" is more the "norms" speaking of what you were led to believe you had to follow as opposed to the you inside. It does sound a little like you're trying to "fit yourself into a box", a box more constructed by others.
I know there was so much "stigma" around in those days and things must have been really hard for you. But you've got to know that it's OK, in fact it's good, to move past some of beliefs/moral trends of those days.
So maybe if you look to taking a much wider view of equality, diversity, rights nowadays...........sure you'll still find some "stigma" but then again you're also going to find much more acceptance, understanding, respect, valuing than there was before.
And along with that the concept of people "degrading" themselves (like you said you had) has shifted so much. And I'm wondering if maybe the concept you're holing onto is more about generations ago. Then, in some circles you would even be seen as "degrading" yourself by not wearing a suit, shirt and tie to church, and we know how out there that is now, don't we?
SO unless "Gretchen" is into wearing bright/florescent pink/green eye shadow you might just be alright maybe And I know I'm going to have to apologize to someone who is into wearing that (!!) but just a thought.......
Perhaps it's your "male persona" you need to have a good talk to?? Enlighten it a bit??
You can still keep it, if it feels not so bad, but I'd say you need to breathe a little "tolerance", "acceptance", "understanding" into it so it can live in a little more harmony with "Gretchen", with you.

As for the trans "world": I'm sorry you found some of the people you've met to be less "inclusive"/welcoming, but a least you've found someone on here who was and there will be others out there like that too. It's maybe as much about finding them, and now you're less afraid to say who you are (which is great!!) you may be able to "open more doors" to do that.



Alison