Hi nannywoofwoof, Well you haven't had ME tell you yet!!
But PLEASE. PLEASE (!!) bear with me, and let me give it a shot!! You might have heard all this before, but..............YOU are NOT your mental illness!!
How is it your fault that you haven't found/someone hasn't found for you a "treatment" that will help you manage that and the things it causes you to do yet???
I'm not even going to ask you to forgive yourself for the things you've done, because it wasn't YOU who did them, right??
And if you've done things which you wouldn't have wanted to do........well responsibility here!!!.........if they were that bad then surely your pdoc, mental health worker, whoever should have been noting your decline or the potential of.....so surely their responsibility to be keeping you "safe"!!
Now bipolar....missed medication?? (really, really sorry if I'm wrong about that!!!)........well that wouldn't be uncommon so surely someone should have picked up on the signs or again the potential of.....and been working with you on that!!! If that was the case.......responsibility again!!!
Anyway, your illness, right!! And medical, right!! If someone had epilepsy and had a seizure in the middle of a mall upsetting some people, are you really going to stand there and say that it was their fault, their choice, it was deliberate??!! Really??!! Well similar thing if you think about it!!
So now, you're not delusional or manic (not experiencing the effects of your mental illness), so who are YOU? What sort of choices would you make?...........What sorts of things would you do/not do to those around you?...................THAT is YOU!! What you've done when your mental illness takes over IS your mental illness!!
And you know, it can be SO hard having bipolar (depending on it's effects, for those out there!! ) so if you're not treating everyone with "kindness" after a manic episode then hey, you're trying to deal with what you've been through, aren't you??!! And, not necessarily easy, right??!! Shaken up, devastated, remorseful, powerless, gutted............ring any bells??
But, aside from that, I'd say that if some of the people around you could better understand bipolar (??) then they AS WELL would be able to see that, that "lack of control" WASN'T you!! Maybe bring them in a bit more on it, explain a bit more, show them some resources or something you feel explains it e.g. YouTube videos. Remember it's an "it", NOT you!!!
Best wishes
Alison