Thanks for the responses indestructiblegirl and unlockingsanity...

No declarations of love or anything. No possessiveness. We aren't making any future plans or anything. Just enjoying being together when we can. Texting back and forth.

I am afraid T will be disappointed in me. I am a Christian...she's a Christian. Expectations are of no sex outside of marriage. Though honestly after all I have been through...I was married for 13 years. When I married him, part of it was because I wanted to have sex with him and I couldn't do it until we were married. And with the exception of my childhood abuse, I had never had any sort of sex before our honeymoon. It really was a big reason I got married when I did...I was only 22 when we married.

After being married for 13 years, going back to a life of celibacy really seems naive for me. I believe I even told her at one point that I wasn't going to get married again just to have sex...and that I wasn't going to NOT have sex at some point. I don't remember if I really did tell her that...or if it was another T that I had.

She has said something about me "recreating my abuse" -- and I don't think this is what I am doing. He even asked me the first time multiple times if I was sure I wanted to have sex with him...and I was sure. Yes, I wanted to. He's been a gentleman to me.

He's not always good about texting me - or responding to me...but he is busy - he works two jobs (he's in the mental health field and one of the jobs is with adolescent boys with substance abuse issues). And he also has his kids sometimes - and when they're with him, he doesn't text at all - though his kids are 4 years old and 8 months old - I don't remember having time to do much of anything when my boys were that little.

So ultimately, I worry that she will think poorly of me.

I am also in grad school right now - and you have to sign a code of conduct - even having him over to my house could get me kicked out of school (though I live off campus and have two children and am a fully grown adult) - not to mention if school officials found out about sex. Not that I think anyone would find out. Telling my T wouldn't risk that since there's the whole confidentiality stuff.