thanks nottrustin...I appreciate that.
It's true that no one has lived my life or had the exact experiences that I have.
There was a time when I first got married, maybe the first three years of marriage that I didn't feel bad about sex stuff - but it started getting kinda weird with him. And I started feeling used, and like an object with him...which obviously progressed from there.
Since him, I have been with a couple of other men, but always felt guilty or bad -- or it was assault...this is the first time in 10 years I have REALLY enjoyed sex. And have felt good about it.

I have been chatting with my best friend over text and all I told her is that I am seeing someone now, and told her a little about him.