This could be somewhat triggering for those who feel like they'll never be free of it.

I've been "free" of self-harm for over 4 years, I think, and I'm pretty pleased with that. I still get urges, though; do you think that's normal? I gather, since it's an addiction, that I will never not be a self-harmer, because the "thing" is always there, much like with other addictions.

Anywho, I'm just getting sick of these urges. Does anyone have any idea why I'm getting them, still? Or how I can prevent/stop them. I'm guessing it's just a depression thing. I feel very lost, lonely, fed-up, frustrated, scared, etc.

I feel like I need to do it. It almost feels like I want to do it for the sake of doing it, ... I know how utterly stupid that sounds. I never really thought I'd be like that, but, looking back, maybe I did sometimes do it for the sake of doing it, ... a way to just randomly punish myself, ... sure, why not? Granted, most of the time, it was through self-loathing or anger. Part of me misses it. I know it's selfish, bad for you, dangerous, pointless, blah blah blah, but, even though I know all that, very well, it doesn't seem to rid me of these thoughts and urges, only the action(s).

The more I think about it, the more I miss my arm and legs being the way they were, feeling the pain, going around, knowing I was being punished. Pretty messed up. I don't like admitting this ****; I'm supposed to be "over" it.