Despite all the work I am doing to accomplish the things I want to do, I don’t feel like I am closer to being successful at any of them, and makes me feel like I am a failure because I can never accomplish anything worthwhile.

One of my biggest goals, although not the only goal, is to travel at least one country that I have dreamed about for so long. What countries I want to visit isn’t important for this thread.

As of now I sometimes work more than 20 hours a day, 7 days a week, until I have collapsed even, and I am still thousands of dollars away from making my deadline for August-September, 2014. If I don’t do it this summer, I have to wait for next summer, because it can’t be during the colder months.

But having to wait longer to accomplish this kind of thing makes me feel so bitter inside; I am sick of feeling like I am always behind everyone else.

Whenever I do anything, I feel like everyone else has already beaten me to it, and all my life I have either failed or come last. All through school I was the student that never won anything and failed almost everything. Even outside of formal education, I took vocational training to develop some skills to find work, and I failed that twice, the only student in the class to fail. In life, I have never completed a higher education, never had sex, never had straight teeth, never travelled, etc. I feel like everything I am struggling to achieve and accomplish everyone else has already done it.

The longer I have to wait to accomplish something the father behind I feel I am. I’m tired of being the friend or the person that hasn’t done it, hasn’t experienced, doesn’t have it, and so on. I want to feel like I have accomplished something, but all I do is work and never achieve, try and never succeed.

How come I am always the loser and the failure? I work so hard to achieve these things, but I am nowhere near it, while everyone else has already done it.