Oh my goodness. I thought I was the only one! I've been 'sober' for 3 years, and there are times when I just want to....don't want to trigger anyone here, but you know what I mean. And while it definitely has gotten better over time, I still get frustrated with myself for having the urges, even after being able to stop.
But, I admitted it to my T, and he's been very helpful. He tells me to pinpoint where the urges come from and treat that, not the urge itself.
Do you have a T? It might be helpful to talk to him/her about it.
I feel you, dear. You're not the only one.