I am in a mixed-episode right now too and I feel your pain. My job is, unfortunately right now, quite stressful and demands speed and spark and I am finding it hard not cringing when someone talks cross at me. I feel adrift and I can so relate to what you said about feeling so alone in a roomful of people.

My mind is racing and yet I can't put together much that comes out making sense. And the thoughts are so negative and hateful and the knowledge that I am like this for life feels like a death sentence. One I wish would stop taking it's sweet time! Now there is a small part behind all that that realizes part of the problem is me, but I can't stand it!!!! Why can't I change it then??