In all honesty...I had an (obviously) unsuccessful suicide attempt at one point that was so physically painful before loosing consciencness that I've been afraid to try again!
I'm sure this isn't quite what you meant. I *should* say my kids...but most days I feel like they'd be better off without me. Or family...but I've had no contact with biological family in 20+ years. Or friends...but I have none to speak of. Or husband...but his abuse just contributes to my 'issues'.
I have no outside influences that come to mind for why I'm alive. The memory of the physical pain of that botched attempt is just so vivid that I've been afraid to try again.