Each day in here is getting worse than the last. Today woke up at a 1/10. After dexamphetamine and zyprexa it was a 2/10... so I got through most of group. I wonder how I will wake up tomorrow. I dont know how much lower I can get.

My partner said he needed a "break" from me today. I expected he'd get sick of me soon. He has visited me only twice in a week and a half in hospital. He confirmed all my reasoning for suicide today when he said I was upsetting people. I am a burden to them all and should end it so I no longer cause them stress. He's still got my car and being a **** about giving it back so I guess thats just another thing to stress me out. Screw it, he can keep it. Im not intending on needing it again anyway.