Not sure, but you sound something like me when my depression seeks a new level. It may be a med change, in which case it ought to settle down in a few days, or it could be something going on in your therapy or at work. I went through a period recently when (after 23 yrs) I was considering taking up cigarettes again.
I took the craving to my AA group and after two months it's pretty much relented.
I think it's like hitting your head on the wall when your head aches. "Displacement" they call it. I get tired, I guess, of the regular messy life so I'll go get drunk and we can deal with that for a while.

Use your skills to stabilize, to ground yourself. Making things worse will only make things worse--no matter how appealing or right it seems at the time.

Roads