I agree, I'm not sure that being alone is such a bad alternative... to being in an abusive relationship. It is abusive if she keeps destroying your sense of self, and then coming back to you like it was nothing.

You said "won't" find anyone else... Why do you think it is out of the realm of possibility?

You will never know if you aren't WILLING to look, or at least, leave yourself open to the options...

I don't know you, so I could be completely off base... but it sounds like... you are clinging to the familiar, because you are afraid of the unknown. Familiar isn't always predictable, safe, healthy, or happy.

Maybe... you should stand up for yourself, because you are worth it. Why else would she keep coming back for you? Don't let her take you for granted. Don't treat yourself like you deserve to be taken for granted and no one else will dare try it.