I could have posted this in my "Can't sleep" post, but thought it needed it's own space as it will be rather long.
I've been asked several times how I ended up with my current husband. I first met him when I was 20. I was married to my 1st husband and he was a friend of his. They had grown up together and 1st husbands family rented his childhood home from current husbands family. I don't know that he ever spoke directly to me during those years.
When I was 22, my 1st husband was murdered. I was suddenly widowed with 2 small children. His friend (current husband) was there as a shoulder to cry on. He even helped with funeral arrangements. After the funeral he left out of state for business. He met and married someone shortly after that. I went on with my life (there had been no romantic involvement up to this point). I had become friends with one of his sisters though and stayed close to her.
Several years later I received a phone call from him. He'd just gotten divorced and wanted to see me. Needed to see me. I agreed. His sister drove me to see him. He was drunk when we arrived and I wanted to leave, but she (his sister) said I was being uptight and just needed to have a drink and loosen up. I told myself I was overreacting because I've never dealt well with people who were drinking. I waited until he passed out to leave because I didn't want to offend anyone by leaving early...& his sister was my ride.
After that he started showing up at my house any time he had a few days off work. At first he was very helpful. Fixing things around the house I hadn't gotten around to. When my vehicle broke down (motor locked up), he showed up about a week later with a new vehicle. I said I couldn't accept it, but he insisted...& I needed a vehicle. I thanked him and promised to pay him back.
Over time, each time he came to my house more of his things got left there. He basically moved himself in...there was never a discussion. He was at my house one day, about a year into second meeting, and was outside mowing my lawn. His phone was on my kitchen counter and started ringing. I answered it. I don't know why. It was some woman who started demanding to know who I was and why I was answering his phone. I just took the phone outside to him and returned inside. When he came in I said I thought he needed to leave. He said he wasn't going anywhere. I reached for the phone and he grabbed my wrist and positioned himself between me and the phone. He leaned in and whispered directly in my ear that he wasn't going anywhere. I just froze.
When he left to go on a business trip, I changed my locks. Weeks later I was asleep on my couch when my front door was kicked in. He was livid. That's the 1st time I was hit. It took a few mins to even register what had just happened since I was startled awake. Then I was just numb.
That morning he took my kids to school. He cooked breakfast and set it on the table in front of me and just said "Eat". He talked about things that needed done, like it was just another day. It felt surreal. He raised his voice at one point and I jumped. I started cleaning things he said I needed to. I felt detached. Like a robot. I don't know why. I felt like I was in a fog.
Looking back, it's like something broke in me at that moment when my door was kicked in. Like I reverted to that 'safe' place in my head that I used in childhood. The real world felt distant and I felt unattached to it. This became our norm.
When he decided he wanted a child (he didn't have any), I cried. He knew my kids were conceived through IVF. He sat next to me when he ordered me to make an appt with my Dr. He went to every visit. He did most of the talking, and I just agreed with whatever he said when I was spoken directly to. He was there for every visit and procedure. I felt like I was being used as his personal human incubator.

I need to stop here. Talking about all this is putting me in a bad mental state. Maybe I'll tell more later. Maybe my life will help someone else to NOT end up in the same position.
I don't know if I've really answered the question of how ice ended up here, but I hope some can understand.