You see my mother was not shamed or blamed, her mother was a lovely, kind, generous person much liked and loved by my sisters, particularly my eldest sister who grandmother cared for from birth as my mother had no interest in her.

Her father my (grandfather) was a difficult, rather strange man though. Mean with money, very controlling and a food restrictor, he was underweight. Disowned by his own family for 'marrying beneath himself'.
He was never 'abusive' as such, he just had little to do with the kids (it was the 1940s)

My mother took after her father and seemed to admire his odd ways, She too is underweight, very controlling and a food restrictor.
My mother was never abused, she has only fond memories of her childhood, so I cannot excuse her.

I believe she was born like it (a narcissist) wired wrong I guess. Mother had no empathy , she inherited the PD from her fathers side.
You could say, as it was inherited that she couldn't help it, it not her fault, and maybe that's true.

But I still cannot forgive her, like I would get in from school, and dare to smile. She would say 'Why have you got that silly look on your face, who do you think you are, you think you're clever don't you? well YOU ARE NOT" then tell me that nobody liked me, and they never would". When eventually my face dropped and tears came a smug smirk would play on her lips.
She crushed any childish joy it seemed to irritate her if I looked happy.

Some people seem to carry on the abuse and inflict it their own children, and some don't, thats why I believe there is a genetic predisposition, a inherited narcissism (lack of empathy). For instance, so many people on here were abused as children and yet vow never to treat their children badly.