I had a situation very much like this one, so I understand what you're dealing with. It's hard to communicate with people because they ask questions like..."how long were you together?" etc. You don't have to date someone to fall in love. I know married couples that don't even have a droplet of love for eachother. I tried for 2 years to be with the same guy, and it was a back and forth battle, and he was always the one turning me down. It was extremely painful.
Now, over a year after I moved states away from this person, I have found someone wonderful. He is everything the back and forth battle guy couldn't be. Supportive, devoted....and he's around making me a priority.
My advice to you would be to take a step back and really look at the situation. I am sure this woman is wonderful and you both probably do have an amazing connection, and something like that is hard to turn away from. But until you view the relationship differently, and as enticing as it is to talk to her, you need to consider the possibility that she isn't the one. And keeping her as a priority in your life is hurting you and preventing you from seeing opportunities around you. Time and space really are healers, so let yourself not send her that message. Or maybe don't respond to that text. It can be very empowering, and suddenly you realize that you have the control, and you can get over her. As long as you have the will to, because you can not get over her if you don't really try to.

Back and forth battle guy WAS the standard, and the one that got away. It took time and space for me to see it, but now I would never consider going back to him. Once I stopped nurturing the idea that he was everything I wanted, everything changed. Take an honest look at the situation, and you may be surprised at what you have been hiding from yourself.

I hope I've been of some help.

-S