I feel like maybe because of past manias I am gaining better insight. I hope. I have to remind myself and look out for the very first signs. like for me when things have to happen NOW NOW NOW. Or when I am magically super productive and on top of things. sigh.

But yeah i am still looking back on my most recent mania and connecting dots and realizing things and it makes me smack myself in the forehead and shake my head and apologize to my friends. It is so truly astonishing to me. I was sure at the time that everything I was doing made perfect sense. No one could tell me it didn't. No one could tell me it seemed like mania. And if i had an inkling there was something manic happening it just seemed like "well yeah nobody understands mania, mania is actually AWESOME, and I'm just given this gift by god to be so AWESOME like this and those haters just don't understand. and who is to say this magical ability is called mania or bipolar. who makes these stupid rules (yes lonelychick) anyway? I'm just different and gifted and..."

you get the picture